Gratitude

November is the month of gratitude.  I've noticed since the month started, many people have put different grateful posts on their facebooks... I'm not much for putting a whole lot on facebook, but I've had a lot on my mind, and I figured maybe it was time to actually get on here and publish something.

Three years ago this month I first decided to serve a mission.  I've thought a lot about that decision over the past few weeks, and I have been amazed at how grateful I am that the Lord placed me somewhere I originally didn't want to go.  A mission wasn't in my plans, and actually, when I first got my answer to go on a mission I argued about it with God for a while.  I told Him all the reasons I didn't want to go, all the reasons I shouldn't go, and exactly why a mission didn't fit into my plans.

I'm so glad He let me get all that out, and then gently told me again that I needed to go on a mission.  At that moment I felt the most overwhelming sense of love, particularly directed towards those I would serve.  Three years later I can still feel that, and it was that love that carried me through some of the hardest points in my mission.

My first answer to serve a mission wasn't the last time I needed to know that I really was called to serve.  There was a second time, and once again my answer to serve came in a "no" to something else I wanted.  Looking back, I guess I often don't know what I really want or what is really best for me.  But that, I think, is what I am most grateful for this year.   I grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me well enough to say "no" because He has things for me that I couldn't have imagined.

Blessings

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting recently.  Mostly about my mission and my post mission life.  Neither one turned out or has turned out exactly as I planned.  And it is so much better this way.  I remember how scared I was to leave on my mission.  I felt like I was giving up everything to go (yes, I can be melodramatic sometimes but that really is how I felt).  I had a lot of doors that were open to me when I left on my mission and I wasn't sure that they would still be open when I got home.  Everyone told me I would be soooo incredibly blessed for serving a mission, and sometimes I believed them and sometimes I rolled my eyes.

I didn't really begin to get an idea of what blessings I would be given until I was set apart as a missionary.  I was promised some wonderful things upon the completion of a mission.  I remember hearing those blessings and finally saying, "Okay, you can do this, just let go and trust in God."  So, I marched into the Provo Missionary Training Center, and thought all would be well.  It was hard.  Especially when I watched a heard things in letters from friends at home and wondered if those blessings I had been promised really would be there for me when I returned.

Since coming home I have felt so blessed.  Not everything has worked out exactly as I imagined, but thus far it has been so much better.  I've been faced, and am being faced with choices I never expected making and while things are intimidating, I know it will all work out.  If I learned anything on my mission, it was that God often puts us in hard situations to make us grow in ways we would have never imagined.  And that, often, is the biggest blessing of all.

Happiness

Confession: In the last two months I've started a bazillion blog posts, only to not finish them, or publish them, or forget about them, or who knows what else.

So, I've now survived a term of classes back at school, gone home for a super fun family vacation, and now I'm back in Provo in the midst of recital prep work.  Besides flute, I'm just job hunting and trying to get everything in order for school in the fall.  Life has been pretty good.

I've been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with my Mission President's wife (there has to be a better way to say that one) I had Friday.  I was texting back and forth with her, and she was asking me what I'm up to these days and such, and then she asked me a question that really caught my attention.  She asked, "are you happy?"

Sister Taylor talked to the missionaries all the time about happiness.  She would remind us often that missionaries are as obedient as they are happy, and then say that that equation doesn't just apply to missionaries.  I spent a good deal of time towards the end of my mission talking with Sister Taylor about happiness and finding joy in the journey as I was going through what were easily the hardest months of my mission.

After Sister Taylor asked me if I was happy, it left me to do a lot of thinking.  It's funny how you remember things one way when you're looking back, when at the time your interpretation may have been a little different.  I really miss being a missionary, even though looking back, I'm not sure I was super super happy all of the time.  In fact, I was cranky at times, grumpy during morning exercise, and in the last few months of my mission, completely exhausted all of the time. But I was filled with so much joy because of the work I was doing.  I think that's what I've missed over the last few months.  But, I am happy here, it's just taking some time to adjust all of the way.  And, as I learned on my mission, it's not necessarily about being giddy happy all of the time, it's about finding the small miracles and joys each day.  That's what I'm working on.

Bruce the Buck

 I'm beginning to remember this equation... it's a little ridiculous to see how true it is.  Oh well.  If you are still wondering which two took precedence this weekend you should know I am exhausted and going to bed asap today.

Also, I thought you would like to see my accomplishment of the weekend.
Meet Bruce the Buck:

In my apartment we have an... interesting mural on the wall of a forest.  Tia, when she first saw it, said it made her want to go buy a deer head and mount it on the wall.  When Brianna came over and saw our beautiful wall I told her about the deer head idea, and she promptly told me she knew how to make one out of cardboard.  The final result, Bruce the Buck.  He's our new apartment mascot. :)

Tender Mercies

Well, I've now survived my first week of school.  It's interesting.  I think it hits returned missionaries at different times that they are really home and they won't just wake-up back in the mission.  For me that reality hit this past week.  It was really hard.  I think the combination of new classes, living alone (literally) for the week, and just trying to get my life going here was a bit more than I was ready for.  The really incredible thing was that I saw so many little blessings in my life that really showed me that God was aware of me and really watching out.  I thought I'd share a few.

First, I got an e-mail from a family I taught.  Pictures and all.  It made my day.  Actually, it made my week.  It was such a beautiful e-mail, and it was from a family I really love and spent a lot of time with.  It was so good to hear from them.  I also got to skype with some people I taught.  Thursday night was so much fun! It was so fun just seeing them and hearing their voices.  It was a little bizarre seeing their house in the background and realizing it will be a while before I actually see them again, but it was still fun.

Second, I am meeting tons of awesome people! My ward is full of Sister Rm's and I've met a few in each of my classes.  Many of them have just gotten home like me so it is fun to talk with them and to feel like their are people feeling the same way I do.  The funniest was in my religion class.  At the end of class I heard a girl call out, "Sister", and well, I still answer to that one.  I turned around and she proceeded to tell me that she recognized me from the MTC! So cool.
Third, Hermana Brianna Wells is my next door neighbor!  This girl was one of my favorite companions, and now we live just a few doors apart! She sat behind me in sacrament meeting and then when it was over she said hi and I about jumped over the chairs to give her a hug.
Finally, I had just a fun experience Friday evening as I was practicing.  I'm still a little sensitive about how I sound on the flute right now.  I don't really like playing in front of people because I can tell I'm out of shape.  Anyhow, I was practicing at home Friday night, and in the middle of my practicing as I stopped between pieces I heard applause and cheering.  I didn't think much of it, until it happened multiple times and I realized the applause was for me.  Then I looked up and saw my landlord's grand kids. Not only were they cheering but they had thrown some picked flowers by my window.  It made my evening.  Big time. I really needed that.

As a side note of interest... I just got out of my first flute lesson since coming home.  It went fairly well... I at least now feel like my life has some direction, which is nice.  

Things That Bring Me Joy

So I thought I should get on here and prove that I'm not AWOL and haven't just dropped off the face of the earth. I'm now in Provo and more or less moved in. All that I own is in the apartment, but I'm not in my room yet; the girl who is in my room doesn't move out until Thursday... so I'm in a temporary room.

It's a lot of fun and also a little weird being back in Provo. I am getting to see lots of people again. I had lunch with Tae and Chase before they left up to Idaho for Chase's new job, and Tia and I have been running around Provo trying to get everything ready for school and such. I've got lots more to catch up on, and lots of people to see, but things are off to a good start.

Also, un-packing after a year and a half is pretty fun. I've been finding lots of things that I'd forgotten about and it's brought various exclamations of joy as I've discovered things. The most exciting of which being these:

because I LOVE books... a lot. Opening boxes and finding them was wonderful. I'm so excited to read them all again. I might have hugged various books as I put them on the shelf. *grin*

Finding my lovely popcorn maker also made me super happy. I've missed it my whole mission, especially because my trainer and I always ate popcorn when we did weekly planning and so for the rest of my mission I needed popcorn each time we did weekly planning. My companions can attest to that one. So, I'm pretty excited to be able to make air popped popcorn, because nothing else can equal that.

Life in Provo is going well. Next week I'll start classes and also do a huge cleaning of the apartment. It's pretty dirty, and while I'm hoping that those who are moving out will clean, I'm also preparing to dedicate a good chunk of time to some serious cleaning. Because it's pretty nasty. Tia and I went to Walmart and stocked up on cleaning supplies, and so we are ready to attack the grime, because it needs to go. I'll try to post again soon, but no promises.

I'm Home...

Hello All,

Okay everyone. I'm here. It's Nicole again, and no longer Hermana Okeson. And let me tell you what, it's weird. So weird. I think I'm one of those squirrely RM's I used to make fun of. I keep making my sisters bed, and then after I finish my studies I wonder what to do with my life. I've practiced flute and come to the decision that you sound a little (okay maybe a lot) rusty after 1.5 years and that patience that apparently I failed to develop as a missionary is going to have another chance to develop itself in my life.

Coming home was good. The time felt right, and in some ways spending my last transfer in a new area made going home easier, I was less attached and then no one knew I was leaving so there was no huge fuss. I was able to go out working, which is what I wanted. The last night in the mission home was fun, and I enjoyed spending time with the Taylors and the other departing missionaries. It was a little weird because the group I went home with was almost all English missionaries, and as a Spanish missionary I really didn't have much contact with a lot of them. But it was fun none the less. We had a great time talking about lessons learned as missionaries and setting goals for the future. I also had the great opportunity to be taken to the mission home by my Grandma, which was just F.U.N. It was great to get to see her even if it was just for a short time.

The actual flight was long and un-eventful for the most part. I did get to talk with a young mother on the longer flight and help her through security in Japan and then hook her up with the mormon.org website... so my missionary work isn't done. It was pretty fun, I enjoyed chatting with her and getting to invite her to learn more. I've got to do some follow up on that one. Besides that it was just a long experience, being a missionary for a year and a half has made me incredibly not good at just sitting around, so one day of flying and traveling just about killed me. I was pretty excited to get off of that last airplane. The reunion with my family was good, although a little delayed, as my suitcase got lost and so I spent a good hour trying to communicate with the baggage people in Shanghai... I realized pretty quick that my Spanish wasn't going to help me here. Super frustrating to speak more than one language and for neither one to be any good. Oh well. One hour after everyone else had gone through the gates I finally made it through to see my family, video camera and signs in hand waiting for me. I always joked that they sent me out a white girl and I was coming home a Mexican, but when I saw my family I realized it was true. One and a half years later I am now the short brown one of the family. My siblings all really shot up in height and all I did was get brown. haha.

So now I'm home, trying to finish adjusting... Mostly I'm just working at getting myself into some type of shape to start school in two weeks. I think that will be good for me. I'm not so good at just sitting around anymore, and I keep wanting to daily and weekly plan. I also keep wanting to start everything with a prayer, which for my flute playing is probably a good idea. But it's all good. I'm really enjoying the time with my family. I have a year and a half of harassing saved up for my brothers and I am enjoying spending time with them.

I'm enjoying sharing my experiences with them and taking some time to look back over all that I have learned and experienced as a missionary. It sure goes fast, I didn't realize before I left how fast it would go, but man, it has gone by really fast. I miss it, but I know that this is the next phase in my life and I am excited to see what lies in store. I have more to do, and like I said before I was released, just because the name tag is off, doesn't mean that I am done being a missionary, I have had a year and a half of great training and I am excited to continue to look for chances to serve and help others.

Thank you once again to all of you for your prayers and support. I appreciate it so much.
Love,
Nicole

Final Thoughts

Hello Everyone,

Wow. I'm not exactly sure what to write about this week. We had a good week. Actually, this past week was my best in this area, this isn't the easiest area I've served in and it really takes a lot more work to get numbers that at other times in my mission have been easy to achieve. Every area has its advantages and disadvantages and it's just learning how to work best with what you have. I'm sad that now that I am finally getting into the swing of things I'm leaving.

Actually, it doesn't feel like I'm going home. Hna Garcia and I were talking about how I feel like this is just another transfer coming up and I'll just go to another area and keep working. Then we started joking about how my proselyting area is being changed and how now I get to go undercover. Haha. Actually that makes a good tie in to what mom had asked about member missionary work. I think I came on a mission to learn how to be a missionary for the rest of my life. That is probably one of the most important lessons I have learned. I think the key to being a good member missionary is just not being afraid to open your mouth. People recognize members of the church at a much faster than we as members think they do. I have had baptisms because of the example and service of members, and I have lost baptisms because of the examples set by other members of the church. The second one breaks my heart.

Two of my four areas were some of the highest baptizing areas in the mission, and two have been some of the lowest baptizing areas. Honestly, a lot of the difference can be attributed to how well the members and the missionaries work together. The Becks used to talk about the M&M candies, and say that it's just like what we are doing, members & missionaries. You can't successfully have one without the other. The other thing I have learned is to always invite others to learn more, regardless of what happens. Just to invite friends to activities where they can see what happens and feel the spirit is a huge help. There is a talk called "The Missionary Next Door" that I absolutely love. I listened to it at the beginning of my mission, and I have plans to listen to it again when I get home. It gives a lot of easy ideas of how to share the gospel, all focusing on the fact that from knocking doors missionaries will baptize less than 1 in 1,000. But from working with the members and teaching in their homes the ratio jumps to 1 in 3. That's pretty impressive.

I had plans to share some great parting wisdom in my last e-mail. I'm not sure it's going to work out that way. But maybe you'll all enjoy some thoughts I've had over the last few days.

One of the key moments in my mission happened just a few weeks after I entered the MTC. I was feeling really overwhelmed and as I looked out at my whole mission I didn't know how I was going to do this. I got to Sunday and I was really struggling. I remember feeling the weight of being a missionary and feeling like I couldn't do it. That Sunday my companion and I went and listened to Music and the Spoken Word, a Sunday broadcast put on by the Tabernacle Choir. In the "spoken word" part it talked a little about how all journeys are begun with a single step, and that no great journey is done all at once, it is done in single steps day by day and it's only at the end as you look back that you can see how far you have come. I remember listening and realizing that I couldn't do the entire mission all at once, but I could live one day at a time and try to do my best. In some of the hard points that came after that on my mission I often would reflect on that and remember that I only was responsible for the moment I was living in and that I could do one more day. Now that I am looking back, I feel satisfied with this time. I feel like my work has been accepted, and I feel like I have done what I came here to do.

I was reading recently in the Book of Alma in the Book of Mormon and I came upon a verse that really meant a lot to me. It's Alma 26:31, "Now behold, we can look forth and see the fruits of our labors; and are they few? I say unto you, Nay, they are many; yea, and we can witness of their sincerity, because of their love towards their brethren and also towards us." I would add that I can see the sincerity of my time by the love I feel for these people. In the last week or so I have gotten a few letters from different people I have worked with. Those letters mean everything to me, and the people who wrote them mean even more. I would go through all of the hard days and weeks again for any one of those people. It's really hard to know I am leaving, because I feel like I am leaving my heart here in Phoenix. I love the people I have been called to serve so much. I thought I was sacrificing to come on a mission, but I'm the one who has been blessed.

I have one more week, and if you hear of a fire burning in southern Glendale, just know its Hna Garcia and I tearing up the streets. We have work to do, and I'm excited to do it.

I love you all,

Hermana Okeson

Meetings and Hailstorms

Hello Everyone!

This time I am writing you all from not so sunny Phoenix. We had a cold front move in and after a good week in the upper 80's it's back in the 50's. I know, I've turned into a wimp, but its cold on a bike! We got pretty soaked yesterday after church... it hailed on us! I thought it was rain, but then it was making a lot of noise on my helmet and I realized we were being pelted by little hail stones. No worries, it wasn't big, and we got to shelter pretty quick, but not until after we were thoroughly drenched. Ha Ha. My lovely companion took to singing songs like "count your many blessings" and "there is sunshine in my soul today" while we waited the storm out at a bus stop. She's a great example of having a good attitude. I did NOT feel like singing as I was dripping wet and cold waiting for a bus. Her good attitude is contagious and she has been such a great companion to serve with.

I have such mixed feelings right now. It's hard to believe that after today I will only send out one more e-mail as Hermana Okeson. I love this work, and I love the people I've been blessed to serve. Wednesday we went to a sisters’ conference. As part of the conference we hiked a small hill at the northern point of Phoenix.

As I looked out at the valley I could pick out all four areas I have served in, Aguila in the south right by South Mountain, Agua Fria farther north and to the west, La Joya by the big stadium, and Solano just North West of down town. I looked out and was filled with such joy and satisfaction as I realized once again just how blessed I have been to serve here. Phoenix certainly wasn't where I dreamed of coming to serve my mission, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. As we hiked I talked with many of my former companions. I have had 9 companions in my time here in Phoenix! About half of them are home now, but I still have a good number of companions who are here. I so enjoyed talking and spending time with each of them. I learned so much from each of them, and I really love them. Not many sister missionaries get to serve with that many companions, but I guess God knew I needed to learn from a lot of different people. Each of my companions have been a blessing in my life and mission.
As we hiked the mountain we talked about how we each must progress in our journey back to God. The hike ended at the grounds of the Phoenix Temple. It is just barely peeking out above the ground right now, but in about 2 years it will be finished and will be a huge blessing in the lives of the people I have been privileged to serve. My hope for each person I have worked with is that they can make it to the temple and form eternal families. There is nothing more that I would want for them.

Thursday we had another training meeting. In this one we got a lot of good training on the mission and where things are going. As I watched I realized that things here just keep getting better and better. The newer missionaries are so excited and have so many great things going for them. It made me a little sad that my time has come to leave. I feel like I could stay here forever. In some ways I feel a little more like Hermana Okeson than Nicole. I am so at peace here and in this work. I think that has been the blessing of this last transfer. I have felt so much peace. I didn't really expect that. I really wasn't happy to get moved for my last 6 weeks, and felt like I was just put here because they had to do something with me for my last 6 weeks. I'm glad to say, I know that's not true. I don't know that I'm ending quite how I would have chosen, but I am learning so much here and have been stretched in new ways I never imagined. I guess that's one of the most important things I have learned here on a mission, God has so much more planned for us than we could ever imagine; we just have to choose to accept His will and do all we can to make the most of every opportunity. I've certainly been far from perfect at that, but I feel like I've tried.

Mom asked about my favorite and least favorite parts of missionary work. Honestly, for different parts of my mission I would pick different things. I think my favorite overall has just been being out and working with people. I love being in their homes and spending time with them. I love getting to know them and looking for ways I can help them out in their lives. I enjoy the time I get to spend with the people we work with and teach. It never feels like enough, but I love the moments we do get to spend with them. I love hearing their life stories and listening to the things that made them the people they are today. I especially love seeing the way that the Lord has moved them and helped them reach a point where they are ready to listen and learn. That's always really cool to see. I think my least favorite thing as a missionary are meetings. I like training meetings but some meetings we have with the members tend to run on Hispanic standard time... which means late and long. I would love to just go in there, get things done and get out. But, in part I think I came on a mission to learn patience, and God has given me plenty of opportunities to develop that one.

Have a wonderful week everyone. I love you all!

Love,

Hermana Okeson

Sunshine and Dog Bites

Hello All,

It has been quite the week. The weather here in Phoenix is beautiful right now, and I am really enjoying it. I keep having to warn Hna Garcia that she shouldn't be fooled, it's going to get really hot really quick, Luckily I will miss all of that. We've had some really cool success moments over the last week. Effectively we have dropped all of the investigators that were being taught when I came and we've been starting from scratch. It's one of the bigger challenges in working with Hispanics. They love to hear you talk about God, but they are not so keen on commitment or making changes. So often missionaries will get attached to an investigator (or an investigator to the missionary) and then when the missionary leaves the area and a new one comes in there are usually some pretty big changes. I guess that's just part of how all of this works. It's been cool though, because we have been really blessed to find some really cool families. I don't think I will see them get baptized in my time here, but I feel like they are well on their way.

It's been pretty interesting coming into an area knowing I would only be here for 6 weeks. 6 weeks go by really quickly. So far no one in the ward knows that I am going home in 3 weeks, and I like it better that way. It's been really nice to just focus on working and not to be bogged down by the "trunky" questions that often get asked to missionaries just before they go home. This is by far the most... interesting ward I have served in. I'm learning a lot here, and so while it's been difficult having to be somewhere new for my last 6 weeks, I'm glad that I've had this chance to serve.

I had an interesting experience this week... somewhat of a first for my mission. We see a lot of dogs as missionaries. I've worked in some rougher areas, and either you see a bajillion chihuahuas or some pretty vicious looking guard dogs. Well, on Saturday we were out knocking doors and we came up to this house and the main door was open, but the metal screen door was closed. So, like normal, we knocked. The next thing we knew four good sized dogs jumped at the door and it was open! Long story short, I got bitten by a dog. Right on my ankle. I had to kick him off of me and I'm pretty glad the owner called them off because he was winding up to really bite me a second time. Don't worry, I don't have rabies, and he didn't draw blood. He just scratched up my ankle pretty good and I'm a little bruised. It was quite the experience. The poor lady who felt there just about had a heart attack and she felt really, really bad. So I can officially say that as a missionary, I've not only been chased by dogs, I've been bitten by one! (The strays will chase you and they look pretty vicious, but you just have to grab rocks and start throwing and they'll take off pretty fast. haha.)

This week we have the Sisters Conference. I am super excited. We got the invites for it on Saturday. We will be "hiking" to the new temple site up in North Phoenix, and then after we'll have lunch and a conference in the mission home. I'm pretty excited. The temple (originally) was supposed to finish during my mission, but from various hold ups it is now just barely peeking out from above the ground. It looks like it won't finish for another 2 years. Hopefully I'll make it back some day to see it when it is finished. I'm excited to get to see old companions and such at the Sisters conference. It will be really good.

We had a really cute experience on Saturday. We are working on and off with a little girl named Jossy. She's getting ready to get baptized this summer. We had dinner with her and her Grandma and as we were getting ready to leave she bounced over with her backpack and told us she was ready to come with us. We walked out the door and she had parked her bike right next to ours. She was ready to go! I attached pictures with her. It was too cute. She's a fun little girl in some rough circumstances so it's nice to get to at least spend a little time helping her family out.

I think that is about all of the excitement for this week. We have a pretty packed week in this coming week, which will be good. I'm pretty excited. Everything just keeps moving forward, and the work is really moving. Missionary work is the best!

Have a great week!

Love,

Hermana Okeson