Confession: In the last two months I've started a bazillion blog posts, only to not finish them, or publish them, or forget about them, or who knows what else.
So, I've now survived a term of classes back at school, gone home for a super fun family vacation, and now I'm back in Provo in the midst of recital prep work. Besides flute, I'm just job hunting and trying to get everything in order for school in the fall. Life has been pretty good.
I've been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with my Mission President's wife (there has to be a better way to say that one) I had Friday. I was texting back and forth with her, and she was asking me what I'm up to these days and such, and then she asked me a question that really caught my attention. She asked, "are you happy?"
Sister Taylor talked to the missionaries all the time about happiness. She would remind us often that missionaries are as obedient as they are happy, and then say that that equation doesn't just apply to missionaries. I spent a good deal of time towards the end of my mission talking with Sister Taylor about happiness and finding joy in the journey as I was going through what were easily the hardest months of my mission.
After Sister Taylor asked me if I was happy, it left me to do a lot of thinking. It's funny how you remember things one way when you're looking back, when at the time your interpretation may have been a little different. I really miss being a missionary, even though looking back, I'm not sure I was super super happy all of the time. In fact, I was cranky at times, grumpy during morning exercise, and in the last few months of my mission, completely exhausted all of the time. But I was filled with so much joy because of the work I was doing. I think that's what I've missed over the last few months. But, I am happy here, it's just taking some time to adjust all of the way. And, as I learned on my mission, it's not necessarily about being giddy happy all of the time, it's about finding the small miracles and joys each day. That's what I'm working on.