Megan had chocolate cake for her birthday. After the dream about chocolate cake I simply couldn't turn it down.
I feel awful today.
From here on out, it's dream chocolate cake. Because my head is splitting in half.
The dark chocolate I ate probably didn't help either. Stupid dream.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Gluttony Confession
Tia made the most beautiful chocolate cake I've ever seen. She left it sitting in our fridge looking beautiful. It was this rich velvety chocolate that melted in your mouth, and it was laced with caramel and had a thick chocolate butter-cream frosting on top. It was beautiful. And I ate it. All of it. With my hands. It was that good. I licked every morsel from the pan it was in.
And then I woke up. I woke up feeling really, really guilty. I didn't even ask to eat the cake, I just ate it because it called to me and I had to. Sorry, Tia. In my dream I didn't even save you a piece.
Residual guilt notwithstanding, I realized that dream chocolate cake gluttony is really the best way to go. I woke up not feeling gross like I would have if I'd really eaten that much chocolate cake laced with caramel with a thick chocolate butter-cream frosting. I woke up feeling great. And there was no post chocolate migraine.
So tonight, Tia, I'd like another one, only this time I want chocolate coated strawberries all over the top and a massive carton of triple dark chocolate ice cream.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
And then I woke up. I woke up feeling really, really guilty. I didn't even ask to eat the cake, I just ate it because it called to me and I had to. Sorry, Tia. In my dream I didn't even save you a piece.
Residual guilt notwithstanding, I realized that dream chocolate cake gluttony is really the best way to go. I woke up not feeling gross like I would have if I'd really eaten that much chocolate cake laced with caramel with a thick chocolate butter-cream frosting. I woke up feeling great. And there was no post chocolate migraine.
So tonight, Tia, I'd like another one, only this time I want chocolate coated strawberries all over the top and a massive carton of triple dark chocolate ice cream.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Why I Go to Class...
Because sometimes my teacher will say things like this:
"Tchaikovsky 6 is really just Mendelssohn with some testosterone"
"Tchaikovsky 6 is really just Mendelssohn with some testosterone"
Mission Madness
Holy Cow! I have about a month and a half left. I don't know how that happened... I'm only in Provo for a few more weeks, and of those weeks I'm gone a lot on the weekends. Yikes. Yesterday my mom and I did most of the mission clothes shopping that I needed. All I can say is part of me wishes there was some sort of Mrs. Mac's to go to to get all of my mission stuff because I am so incredibly jealous of how fast my brother got everything. That said, I'm not at all jealous of how much Elders have to pay for suits and such, so I guess I won't complain...
I'M GOING ON A MISSION!!!
I'M GOING ON A MISSION!!!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Resolved.... ish
Yesterday, and actually the last 3 days rank as some of the most unpleasant in my life. That is probably putting it lightly. But yesterday something happened to make me feel better about my decision. And so I cried a little, I called my mom and ranted, I made a good guy-friend come over so I could rant to him, and then I handled the situation as any stable, mature adult 20 year old ought to.
I went to the creamery with Tia and Megan, got tastes of lots of different ice cream flavors because we're cheap and obnoxious, popped popcorn, climbed on the roof, watched Star Wars, and slept out there.
Because I'm balanced like that.
Oh, and in case you were wondering how I handled life until things began resolving yesterday, here's what Tia and I found to do Tuesday night.
Yes, it's a Darth Vader drawn with lipstick and lip-gloss on Megan's door. Pretty much the definition of awesome.
I went to the creamery with Tia and Megan, got tastes of lots of different ice cream flavors because we're cheap and obnoxious, popped popcorn, climbed on the roof, watched Star Wars, and slept out there.
Because I'm balanced like that.
Oh, and in case you were wondering how I handled life until things began resolving yesterday, here's what Tia and I found to do Tuesday night.
Yes, it's a Darth Vader drawn with lipstick and lip-gloss on Megan's door. Pretty much the definition of awesome.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Thinking
Sometimes you have to make some really hard choices, and either option is going to leave you hurting. Sometimes life is a really tricky thing. And you just don't know what you want. Because really you want to have your cake and eat it too. But it's not completely in your control. And so life is just really, really hard in those moments. So you have to just wait and see what happens, and pray that the best thing happens, whatever it may be. Cause you don't know what that best thing is.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Must. Maintain. Control.
Today marks the beginning of what will arguably be the hardest week of summer term. Making it relatively unscathed to the end of class on Thursday (when I leave to go to Lagoon with my family!) will take determination, focus, hard work, and enough will-power to last a life time. It's not my two midterms I have to take this week. Or the mountain of Music History readings I discovered I have, because apparently taking a week off in summer term gets you 268 pages behind in one text book, and 143 in the other. Ouch! It's not even the nasty paper I have to write about Beethoven that is due tomorrow and is responsible for three of the worst nights sleep of my life.
Today marked the first day of the BYU summer book sale.
*eek!*
I've yet to meet a book I didn't like (at least one that I didn't have shoved down my throat for the purpose of educating me... then I would have some less than stellar examples, but only a few.) As a child when I got in trouble my parents would take away my reading privileges. My siblings had reading listed on their Saturday chores list. My chores list ended with a threat of what would happen to me if I decided to start reading before I was done helping around the house. What can I say, I'm a sucker for books. And it's not my fault either, this is a genetic problem... my Dad is the exact same way. I'm pretty sure I got every ounce of his love of reading.
That said, the summer book sale makes for the hardest week of the summer for me, because each one of those books calls out to me as I pass telling me just how awesome they are and telling me to take them home. And they are all half off. I wandered through the collection of books today, safe in the knowledge that I had not a scrap of money on me. However, they had soooooo many books that I want. I've gotten some real gems in past years, and this year there are tons of amazing options. I found life biographies of so many cool people, Rousseau, Catherine the Great, The Earl of Leicester (the one who supposedly was in love with Elizabeth 1 of England), and Bismark of Germany. Not to mention books on awesome world events, 3 on the French Revolution, one that looked amazing on the war of 1812, a world look at 1688, a portrait of post WWII Germany, and so many others. They also had two books on castles and one book that gave a history of medieval armor. (and you wonder why I'm not a history major... It's a long story, that mostly revolves around that concept that the university has that I ought to graduate in 4 years not 5...)
Walking away from books like that, especially when they were all half off was pure. and. utter. torture.
I was drooling uncontrollably just looking at them. For those of you who've been privileged to see it, I had that same half stupid half dreamy look accompanied by a manic grin that I get when I see pretty flutes, cool historical monuments, or you've guessed it, a book I really, really, really want. Only there were 20 books that I really, really, really want. And I am poor. Sad day.
So I've locked myself in the library with other books, maybe just by being near so many books it will ease the book hunger, but I doubt it. And yes, I'll probably end up buying one book. Because I just can't help it. And they are all of 8 dollars. Now to choose just one...
Today marked the first day of the BYU summer book sale.
*eek!*
I've yet to meet a book I didn't like (at least one that I didn't have shoved down my throat for the purpose of educating me... then I would have some less than stellar examples, but only a few.) As a child when I got in trouble my parents would take away my reading privileges. My siblings had reading listed on their Saturday chores list. My chores list ended with a threat of what would happen to me if I decided to start reading before I was done helping around the house. What can I say, I'm a sucker for books. And it's not my fault either, this is a genetic problem... my Dad is the exact same way. I'm pretty sure I got every ounce of his love of reading.
That said, the summer book sale makes for the hardest week of the summer for me, because each one of those books calls out to me as I pass telling me just how awesome they are and telling me to take them home. And they are all half off. I wandered through the collection of books today, safe in the knowledge that I had not a scrap of money on me. However, they had soooooo many books that I want. I've gotten some real gems in past years, and this year there are tons of amazing options. I found life biographies of so many cool people, Rousseau, Catherine the Great, The Earl of Leicester (the one who supposedly was in love with Elizabeth 1 of England), and Bismark of Germany. Not to mention books on awesome world events, 3 on the French Revolution, one that looked amazing on the war of 1812, a world look at 1688, a portrait of post WWII Germany, and so many others. They also had two books on castles and one book that gave a history of medieval armor. (and you wonder why I'm not a history major... It's a long story, that mostly revolves around that concept that the university has that I ought to graduate in 4 years not 5...)
Walking away from books like that, especially when they were all half off was pure. and. utter. torture.
I was drooling uncontrollably just looking at them. For those of you who've been privileged to see it, I had that same half stupid half dreamy look accompanied by a manic grin that I get when I see pretty flutes, cool historical monuments, or you've guessed it, a book I really, really, really want. Only there were 20 books that I really, really, really want. And I am poor. Sad day.
So I've locked myself in the library with other books, maybe just by being near so many books it will ease the book hunger, but I doubt it. And yes, I'll probably end up buying one book. Because I just can't help it. And they are all of 8 dollars. Now to choose just one...
Friday, July 9, 2010
What a Year...
I've been incredibly reflective of late, particularly towards the last year and all that has happened. This time last summer I was in Paris having the time of my life with these two:
We ran all over that city, and as I discovered in Tianjin this summer, anywhere you visit can be really cool, but it's even cooler when you do it with the right people. Part of what I loved and think about when I think of my time in Paris is the people I spent it with. However, I'm not gonna lie, Notre Dame, Crepes, Gelato, the Louvre, and the Musee de Arme (however it's spelled) also come at the top of my list too. I loved just wandering the streets and seeing the city all lit up at night. However, I honestly didn't realize how much I liked Paris until my very last day there. That's actually somewhat of a theme for me... I tend to go places either to live or to visit and I'm pretty slow letting them grow on me... and so while I enjoyed Paris, I honestly didn't really fall in love with the city until my very last night there, and that was when I realized that I might want to some day go back. Although, there are still tons and tons of places in the world I haven't been to yet, so who knows, maybe I'll just look back at Paris and remember, but continue traveling elsewhere.
I remember one night in Paris when Amber and I were up talking (as often happened) we were talking about the coming year and what we expected. I know I was dead wrong about what I thought would happen over the next year. If anyone had tried to tell me that one year later I would be preparing to serve a mission I would have laughed at them. And the thought of Amber getting married at the end of this summer would have seemed a little crazy too. I had made up my mind that a mission was not for me and that I didn't want to go. I guess sometimes God has other ideas. So, in November after being stubborn for a while I opened my eyes and realized that I needed to serve a mission, and crazier still, I wanted to serve a mission. So here I am with 66 days until I enter the MTC and I still can't believe this is happening. Everything feels so surreal, and yet, at the same time I wish I could just go in right now and get started.
I realized on Friday just how fast missions must go, because I realized that Trent has been in for a whole month! Wow. It feels like just yesterday that we dropped him off, but I guess it's been a little longer. At the same time, I've also realized recently how much will change while I'm gone, and that's been difficult to come to terms with. I'll come back to Provo for spring term in 2012 and all of my close friends besides those who are also serving missions will have graduated. Who knows where they will be in the world. That's a little crazy. Some of these people I've started saying good-bye to are the ones who I've had classes with since my freshman year, and always assumed that I'd graduate with them. Now when I get back they'll be pretty well done with their masters degrees.
All that said, I'm incredibly excited to be going. I've spent a lot of time in the past few months making sure that this is what I need to be doing, and each time I begin to waver I'm reminded just how much I need to serve and how excited I am to have this opportunity. My two month mark is on Thursday and it feels like the time between the 3 and 2 month mark went really fast, who knows just how fast the next month will go.
(and if you're lucky I'll actually blog some)
We ran all over that city, and as I discovered in Tianjin this summer, anywhere you visit can be really cool, but it's even cooler when you do it with the right people. Part of what I loved and think about when I think of my time in Paris is the people I spent it with. However, I'm not gonna lie, Notre Dame, Crepes, Gelato, the Louvre, and the Musee de Arme (however it's spelled) also come at the top of my list too. I loved just wandering the streets and seeing the city all lit up at night. However, I honestly didn't realize how much I liked Paris until my very last day there. That's actually somewhat of a theme for me... I tend to go places either to live or to visit and I'm pretty slow letting them grow on me... and so while I enjoyed Paris, I honestly didn't really fall in love with the city until my very last night there, and that was when I realized that I might want to some day go back. Although, there are still tons and tons of places in the world I haven't been to yet, so who knows, maybe I'll just look back at Paris and remember, but continue traveling elsewhere.
I remember one night in Paris when Amber and I were up talking (as often happened) we were talking about the coming year and what we expected. I know I was dead wrong about what I thought would happen over the next year. If anyone had tried to tell me that one year later I would be preparing to serve a mission I would have laughed at them. And the thought of Amber getting married at the end of this summer would have seemed a little crazy too. I had made up my mind that a mission was not for me and that I didn't want to go. I guess sometimes God has other ideas. So, in November after being stubborn for a while I opened my eyes and realized that I needed to serve a mission, and crazier still, I wanted to serve a mission. So here I am with 66 days until I enter the MTC and I still can't believe this is happening. Everything feels so surreal, and yet, at the same time I wish I could just go in right now and get started.
I realized on Friday just how fast missions must go, because I realized that Trent has been in for a whole month! Wow. It feels like just yesterday that we dropped him off, but I guess it's been a little longer. At the same time, I've also realized recently how much will change while I'm gone, and that's been difficult to come to terms with. I'll come back to Provo for spring term in 2012 and all of my close friends besides those who are also serving missions will have graduated. Who knows where they will be in the world. That's a little crazy. Some of these people I've started saying good-bye to are the ones who I've had classes with since my freshman year, and always assumed that I'd graduate with them. Now when I get back they'll be pretty well done with their masters degrees.
All that said, I'm incredibly excited to be going. I've spent a lot of time in the past few months making sure that this is what I need to be doing, and each time I begin to waver I'm reminded just how much I need to serve and how excited I am to have this opportunity. My two month mark is on Thursday and it feels like the time between the 3 and 2 month mark went really fast, who knows just how fast the next month will go.
(and if you're lucky I'll actually blog some)
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