De-Vadered!

Remember about 3 weeks ago when Tia and I decided to grace Megan's door with Vader... or at least a lipstick version of him. Well, three weeks later he was still gracing Megan's door, and many a nay-sayer claimed he would grace that door forever. Oh ye of little faith. That door is beautiful, and clean, and only after a hours work. Take that world. Comet is probably my new favorite thing ever. And now I feel perfectly fine vandalizing more doors since now I know how to clean them. *grin*

Gluttony Follow-Up

Megan had chocolate cake for her birthday. After the dream about chocolate cake I simply couldn't turn it down.

I feel awful today.

From here on out, it's dream chocolate cake. Because my head is splitting in half.

The dark chocolate I ate probably didn't help either. Stupid dream.

Yikes!

Wow, the last month has flown. I just realized it's been almost a month since I last posted. Sorry. Sooo much has happened in the last month. It's been the best/hardest/fastest/longest month ever. Not that I'm feeling contradictory. Really it has been a crazy month. I'm gonna use that as my explanation for why I've disappeared for so long.

So what's made it such a crazy month? I wish I could list everything for you. But I'd keep you long beyond your endurance and interest. My life isn't that interesting. In the last month I've played tons and tons of concerts, taken a bazillion tests and written soooooo many pages for my classes, spent a whole lot of time with someone tall and wonderful, finished mission papers, quit my job, decided to leave for china early, and took up underwater basket weaving in my spare time. Okay, so that last one was an exaggeration, but the rest, pretty much the whole truth and nothin' but.

This semester has really been an interesting ending because I'm leaving for two years and so many of the people I care about will be gone when I get back. I feel like I've tried to cram in so many things with so many people that I just don't know when I'll see them again. Is that part of growing up? Saying goodbye more, I mean. If so, I'm not sure I like it. Today was the hardest goodbye of all. Yuck. And there are so many people I never got to say goodbye to, I feel bad not having been able to catch all the people I wanted to get.

It's just so weird. I feel like I just got to Provo, and then I poke myself and remember that I've been here for three years. It feels like just yesterday that I was moving into the dorms, then moving south into my current abode... so many things have happened and I'm not sure how it happened. I don't really feel like I'm old enough to have mission papers in and a mission call coming, yet so many girls I know from freshman year and from around campus are one missions, I just never realized I would get there.

Gosh I'm sentimental today. It's raining and I'm running on only a few hours of sleep, so I'll blame that, or something.

It was interesting though, because today was really really hard, and I decided last minute that I'd run up to the temple, I needed a little extra strength and I was reminded just again of how awesome it is. If my call comes in time I'll get to go through with my little brother. I really, really hope it works out. I can't wait to be able to go through.

I've had a lot of time recently to think, a lot, and I've really realized how our lives our shaped and we are led. So many things that have happened this school year had to happen in a certain order and at certain times. Until last night I didn't realize just how many things had to happen at very specific times, but it was amazing to realize. It makes me excited to see what is in store for the future. If things thus far have worked out so well, and so much better than I could have ever planned on my own, it only makes me excited and curious to see where I'll go.

Speaking of going, tomorrow morning I fly to China with the favorite little brother, so I gotta try and finish packing and getting my stuff moved back up stairs into my apartment from last summer. I'm pretty excited to be living with Tia again, that girl is awesome. So, until June I'll be in China, and then I'll be here in Provo, and then who knows where in the world I'll be. For those of you who wish to place guesses feel free to do so, cause I'm not sure how much blogging there will be before I get my call.

How you are *supposed* to write papers...

Yes, it is five am. Yes, I'm about to go to bed. Yes, I have to be on campus at 7:30. Yes, I have been up all night. No, it wasn't fun.

I had a brilliant idea for a paper for my English class. To save time, sort of, I decided to write our paper that is due today on a topic I thought I already knew. I'd done a project on it in high school, and read a little here and there on it since then, so I figured I was more than qualified. I'd write the paper, and then find a hand full of sources, prove myself right, and voila, the easiest paper of my life.

Next time I'm finding all primary peer reviewed sources and writing on the mating calls of the extinct dodo bird because that will be waaaaaaaaay faster. Yeesh. Trying to prove yourself right is just too much work... Hence why it is 5am.

He always opens a window

That's the last half of one of my favorite quotes from The Sound of Music. This thanksgiving it is the very thing I am most thankful for. This semester has been a rough one. Classes were hard, dating was... thrilling... and nothing seemed to be working. I spent a looooooooooooong time on my knees for most of September and October fighting through ideas about double majors, careers in music, and just general questions about what to do after I graduate. The more I prayed the more frustrated I got, because with every idea I came up with nothing seemed to fit, and every time I thought I had constructed my fool proof answer, I discovered I still had nothing to go on. With each idea that didn't work out I became more upset and more miserable. It was like I was doing everything I could think of, but I was still falling short.
Finally on fast Sunday at the beginning of this month I decided I would just listen, and just wait for answers. I listened all through church, I listened as I drove a good friend to the airport, I listened as I visited a friend in Salt Lake, and finally as I was about to leave Salt Lake I felt like I needed to go to Temple Square. I drove over, and decided just to walk around. As I was walking I ran into some sister missionaries and talked to them. While we were talking one of the sisters looked at me and said "you should go on a mission" I gave her my usual excuses that I didn't feel it was for me, and didn't really want to go. Suddenly as we were talking it hit me, and I wanted to go more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
So, I'm planning on putting in mission papers at the end of next semester. I couldn't be more excited. I'm terrified at the idea of leaving for a year and a half, I'm nervous about a lot of things but I know this is the right choice.
This year for thanksgiving I am incredibly thankful for prayer, and I'm also thankful for all the "no's" I got. Without all of those no's I'm not sure I would have recognized the need to serve. Things in the weeks since deciding to serve have fallen into place. This semester is still probably my hardest yet, but it's all okay now. Some questions are still unresolved, but I feel more settled and at peace than I've felt in months.
May you and all those around you have a marvelous Thanksgiving. Remember to take time to think about what you are most grateful!

Half a Grape

To Whom it May Concern,

I am writing you in preparation for my upcoming flight. Last time there were a few minor problems that I hope will be fixed. Airline food has never been my favorite, but after looking at what astronauts eat, life could be worse. And I understand that you are slashing your budgets with reckless abandon. Now you even charge for a second suitcase and harass customers who want to bring more than a toothbrush and a change of clothes. I have grudgingly accepted all of this as your ways to stay airborne. However, upon my last flight I discovered that you have gone the extra mile when it comes to slashing the budget and begun to border on the ridiculous.
After being with you for ten hours you served me breakfast. I looked upon it with the mild distrust that I give all food that can move of it's own accord and pushed the lukewarm sludge portion to the side of my tray. I gazed lovingly down upon the container that should have held my fresh fruit and maybe a roll. This would sustain me until more edible food could be found. However sitting all lonely where my fruit should have been was a grape. And not even a whole grape. Just half. One sad little half of a grape. The sadness of the grape somewhat minored the sadness in my stomach as I realized I would have to wait for another four hours to pay through the nose for a mediocre burger in the terminal.
Seriously, how much more would it have cost you to give me a whole grape? I'm not even asking for a stem of five grapes, just one little perfectly round grape. There were what, maybe two hundred people on the plane? How much can two hundred little grapes cost? I would have paid the extra dollar to get just a little more fruity goodness.
So, consider yourself warned. I will not abide being given half a grape. I would rather no grape than the indignity of a grape viciously cut in half and thrust upon my plate. All I want is a whole grape. (Besides, who really wants to spend a few hours sawing grapes in half? Perhaps that is why some of your attendants were rather irritable with me, they'd been sawing grapes in half.)
Looking forward to fly with you,
Nicole

SUMMER

NO MORE CLASS ROOMS
NO MORE BOOKS
NO MORE TEACHER'S DIRTY LOOKS

Thanks for indulging me. *grin*

I am officially done with school until September, and I can't begin to describe how good that feels. Although, it has inspired a mini freak-out session. In completing this semester I am officially half way done with my undergraduate. That is incredibly scary. These two years have gone so fast, and the thought that there are only two left scares me. It wasn't that long ago that I was arriving on campus and goofing off in the dorms. I don't feel like I'm that far along, but as I look back I realize I've covered so much ground.

I just finished my last music theory test... EVER. I remember when writing out a simple I IV V7 I progression and avoiding voice leading errors nearly killed me. I freaking transposed through a Babbit Square! And, wrote and analyzed an aeleotorical composition. All in one final exam. (Feel free to come bring me food and express your adoration, I know I'm pretty awesome.)

With the completion of my jury this semester I only have two more left for my undergraduate. Also freaky. I have two recitals, but in some ways, I would much much rather give a recital than a jury. Recitals, in some twisted masochistic way, are really kinda fun.

What all this really means is I have no idea what I want to do with my life post undergraduate. Do I want to get a masters in performance? There are so many flute players out there... I've thought a lot about ethnomusicology, but I don't know if I could take the step away from flute playing to be an ethnomusicologist. That would be a really fun masters... so cool... study all the awesome music that gets played all over the world. I could do that. But I've also always wanted to be a professional flute player and work in a symphony, that's not a dream I care to ever let go of. ACK! I have a secret hope that I will wake up one morning in the next two years and magically have this all figured out, but I'm not sure it works that way.

What if I were to find someone and get married in the next two years? That's just as freaky. I'm not planning on it, but I have a lot of friends who haven't planned on getting married, and look at them now. That's freaky too. Again, I don't feel that grown up. Not even remotely.

Luckily I'm not alone in my freak-out. A lot of my friends who have now reached the same point as me are just as weirded out. It's been almost two years since I moved out of my parents house. It's almost two years exactly since I graduated from high school. I felt pretty cool then.
Weird, Weird, Weird...

I think I shall go self medicate with Disney songs as I pack...

Today I Saved A Life. True Story.

I am cooler than Wonder Woman, Elastagirl, and Hermione Granger all put together. Said life saving did not involve needles or siphoning of blood from my system. I am far cooler than that. I am the sort of life saving machine who likes to just throw herself into the problem, as it were. So here's what happened:

Amazon Woman (that's me *grin*) running faster than a speeding bullet she races down the road with her favorite running companion (Latin music) but look, what be in yonder distance? In a blue sports car there be a young mother about to dash into traffic, seemingly oblivious to her imminent T-boning. Without a moments thought Amazon Woman (remember how cool she is *wink*) does the only thing she can to stop blue sports car girl. Amazon Woman dashes forward and slams herself into the side of the blue sports car chariot to stop the young mother from being crushed to oblivion. Never mind the bruised knees that Amazon Woman has, or the therapy she may have to go through before ever running again; it was all for a good cause. Those warm fuzzy feelings (of utter terror and shock) completely make up for everything, because helping moronic drivers not die is Amazon Woman's favorite thing. Amazon Woman sighs as she limps off towards her humble abode, "All in a days run, all in a days run."


Moral of said story: Just because Darwin didn't get you this time blue sports car girl, doesn't mean he won't later. Learn to drive or prepare to have your genes removed from the human gene pool.

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun

Apparently, there is an inverse relationship between my grades/study habits and the amount of sun present.

Alas.

Oh the Places You'll Go

I've been talking on Facebook with an old friend. We went to nursery together and have been good friends ever since. It's interesting to have someone outside of your family who you've known for so long, especially when you've moved around. Both of us have moved a few times but, thanks to out mothers being good friends, we've kept in touch.

It's interesting to see where two kids from little towns in Kentucky end up. I know when we were running around creating havoc at the age of 3 we'd never have imagined where we'd end up. I wanted to be a ballerina and he wanted to blow things up (no joke). I now want to play in a symphony... and he still wants to blow things up. I guess some things really don't change. But so much does.

I lived in Kentucky for the longest, but it's not home. I loved living in Wales, but it's not home. Michigan is where I tell people I'm from, but it's not home. My family isn't there anymore, and I haven't been back in almost a year. I don't actually know when I'll go back again. Now my family is living in China, but it's not home. I live in Utah, but feel little connection to Provo outside of BYU and will probably only come back if I have family or friends who are in the area.

At the age of 3 when we were running around and playing in the dirt, I never could have imagined all that was waiting for me. I've been so blessed and seen so much.

When I was little I remember digging a massive hole in our back yard with Trent. (No really, it was huge, if I remember correctly, we had to buy sod to fill it because the dirt was too spread out and the hole too big.) Trent and I were digging to China. I remember as we dug we imagined what would happen once we dropped through the center of the earth and ended up on the other side. It actually played out somewhat like a Magic School Bus episode... odd. The very first thing that ran through my mind when I found out my family might move to China was that afternoon in our back yard in a little bump-in-the-road town in Kentucky.

I realized just recently that at the culmination of this semesters work, I will be exactly half way through my BYU experience. It's gone incredibly fast. It still seems like just last week that I was racing around the Dorms with Denise creating havoc (awesome flour fight anyone? *evil grin*) I have no idea what the next two years have, but I've realized that I only get to do this once. When Grad School hits I think things will be a lot different. If nothing else, a lot of the amazing opportunities that are present at BYU won't be available to me.

I don't want to just "get through" the next two years. Much of the last two years has been "getting through." I "get though" dictation, I "get through" general music classes, I "get through" boring/painful rehearsals, I "get through" early morning lectures. I spend far too much time "getting through" when I should be savoring. So, I made a decision. There will be no more "getting through" only accomplishing and savoring. Simply "getting through" doesn't really leave time to enjoy the moment. I don't want to look back on my undergraduate experience and wish that I had done more things and explored more ideas and options.

Now you wonder what am I doing about it. The "getting through" bug is pretty tough to beat, but I think I know how. I'm going to do some of the things I've always wanted to and never have. I'm signing up for a dance class this fall and couldn't be more excited. Not only that, but I want to fix how I think. My goal for the next two years is to avoid thinking of "getting through" and instead think of how I can really take joy in what I am doing, regardless of how I may like or dislike the activity. Does that mean that from here on out college will be like frolicking through a field of daisies? Nope. Do I expect that I'll love every moment? Not particularly. However, I do expect to love each day, to spend more time focusing on the things that I can fix and accepting that which I cannot. I've realized that the next two years are going to fly by, and I don't want to spend any part of it being unnecessarily miserable. So, wish me luck. I've got two more years to conquer and I'm bringin' down the house.

For your viewing pleasure: There we are in Nursery. I'm the problem child (?) between the two teachers. Lewis is the stud chillaxin' on the right side. My little brother Trent is the one is the 'spenders.

Today I learned...

That perhaps a wrap-around-skirt is not the best clothing choice for a windy day... awkward...