To Whom it May Concern,
I am writing you in preparation for my upcoming flight. Last time there were a few minor problems that I hope will be fixed. Airline food has never been my favorite, but after looking at what astronauts eat, life could be worse. And I understand that you are slashing your budgets with reckless abandon. Now you even charge for a second suitcase and harass customers who want to bring more than a toothbrush and a change of clothes. I have grudgingly accepted all of this as your ways to stay airborne. However, upon my last flight I discovered that you have gone the extra mile when it comes to slashing the budget and begun to border on the ridiculous.
After being with you for ten hours you served me breakfast. I looked upon it with the mild distrust that I give all food that can move of it's own accord and pushed the lukewarm sludge portion to the side of my tray. I gazed lovingly down upon the container that should have held my fresh fruit and maybe a roll. This would sustain me until more edible food could be found. However sitting all lonely where my fruit should have been was a grape. And not even a whole grape. Just half. One sad little half of a grape. The sadness of the grape somewhat minored the sadness in my stomach as I realized I would have to wait for another four hours to pay through the nose for a mediocre burger in the terminal.
Seriously, how much more would it have cost you to give me a whole grape? I'm not even asking for a stem of five grapes, just one little perfectly round grape. There were what, maybe two hundred people on the plane? How much can two hundred little grapes cost? I would have paid the extra dollar to get just a little more fruity goodness.
So, consider yourself warned. I will not abide being given half a grape. I would rather no grape than the indignity of a grape viciously cut in half and thrust upon my plate. All I want is a whole grape. (Besides, who really wants to spend a few hours sawing grapes in half? Perhaps that is why some of your attendants were rather irritable with me, they'd been sawing grapes in half.)
Looking forward to fly with you,